when I don't know what lies before me...

There are days when I realize how much I don't know what the future holds. I like to have an idea of this. My mind even tells me for the most part, that I indeed, have control over what will happen in my life. Then there's today. My head is running, I'm feeling weak, I sure the heck have no idea what is going on. 

Yet, as I drove last night, I felt peace. It wasn't the "all is well and perfect, and I'm listening to John Mayer with my windows down and a cool breeze" kind of peace. It was His peace. Beyond understanding. And I sat there in awe of such a feeling, a feeling that transcended emotion and went deep in to my spirit. This is what it feels like to be at Home. To breathe deep of the goodness of our Father, knowing that He is the Arbiter and Guide. So as you and I venture forth today I leave you with some sweet words from our Papa:

"And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." 

-Philippians 4:7

fall weekends.

big comfy sweaters & ice skates

football games & coffee shop work

learning to dance & late nights

baking sweet treats & fireside chats

fall weekends are my favorite.

hush

I feel dry. That's it. I feel like I'm waking up from a dream. There's been this fog all around me the past few weeks, one of busyness. A whirlwind of events. Not even events all the time, but occurrences. Small ones.

Go to class. Study. Go to class. Go to work. Eat dinner. See a friend. Study. Study. Study. 

I want to escape sometimes, from the "occurrences" of the everyday. To break from habit, to change the way I live out my day. I become tied to routine, something that used to be like an addiction to me. But now, it's a necessity some days. Just to stay in order, to do what I simply have to do.

So that's why I love moments like this. When I FINALLY get to write. Moments when I get to sit back and ask Papa questions. Moments when it's dark and cool and breezy, and I get to walk in the quiet of the night. I'm realizing more and more my need to listen. To shut up, stop going on, and just cease the noise. 

I've been reading Emily Freeman's blog "Chatting at the Sky". She's doing a series called "31 days to hush". Which seems quite appropriate to me, since there are many days when indeed a little hush on my end would be helpful to myself and others. On the softer side, it's a wonderful invitation to live life quietly, in expectation of conversation with the Father. Remembering that a conversation goes both ways. It's not simply us speaking to Him. He desires to whisper words of love back to us. Whether they be simple, guiding, or bold. All are beautiful. And we won't hear any of them if we don't hush. 

So why don't you join me in hushing this week? Let's see what Papa has to say.

coffee shop love & Yahweh

I love coffee shops. If you know me, this will come as no surprise to you. It will also be of no surprise to you that my dream is to own my very own coffee shop, and that I am sitting in a coffee shop right now. I love the sights and the sounds and the smells:

the whirring of milk being steamed
the strong, sweet smell of espresso
the bubbling of coffee brewing

the folks hunkered down to study in mismatch couches
the kindred spirits sharing and laughing in the corner
the baristas swift, yet precise making of drinks

...the fact that I've been sitting here for hours, a table covered in notes and post-its, and no one has questioned my temporary taking up residence in this little corner....These are reasons I love coffee shops....the list does go on, but I don't want to bore anyone with the crazy wanderings of my brain and heart when it comes to all things coffee.

What I would like to share is Wonder. Wonder at how the Lord works. Awe at the handiwork of my Father. I came to Aggieland with a dream in my back pocket and empty hands that were trying to grasp so tightly to familiarity. However, Papa had a different plan and gently opened my hands up, emptying them of all I tried to cling to-the comfortable that I thought would fulfill me.

So there I stood, with nothing....except for Him. Yahweh. I AM. And we walked, He told me life here wasn't going to look like it did back home, it wasn't going to feel like it, but that was what was exciting- this journey was and is new. Every single day.

And as this new journey began to unfold before my eyes, I could not help but turn my gaze Heaven-ward in awe of my Father.

He provides: within the first week here, I started a new job.
He is faithful: as I settled in, I already had brothers and sisters in Christ to fellowship with.
He is so good: every single day He walks with me.

He walks with me as I get lost, wandering for twenty more minutes than I meant.
He laughs with me as I attempt to ride my bike while talking on the phone.
He sits with me while I eat my lunch alone.

He is with me. Always. He is teaching me. Always. And as I sit here in this coffee shop and words flood my head, because I want to just write and write and write, He is my peace and clarity of mind.

My Father is good, do you know Him? Would you please seek Him? Ask Him to show you all the ways He loves you, all the ways He provides for you. He is faithful to teach and walk with His children. My prayer is you learn that today and every day becomes a deeper realization of those things.

Have a lovely day my sweet friends!



"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and on earth." -Ephesians 1:3-14

the launch...

A little delay, but I have launched off, at least to the next part of my journey. Which for me, includes Texas A&M University, a new job at Starbucks, and lately, the company of some lovely friends :)

Hopefully I'll keep up on here, so anyone who pleases, can stalk me at any moment from yet another source of social media. Or, you can just read and pretend like you're interested and not stalk me, I would much prefer that.

Now before my early morning deliria makes me say something else ridiculous, I'm going to go, but stay in tune for a post very soon! (Yes that rhymed....)

Have a wonderful day lovelies!

stationary (and not the kind you write on)

It always happens. It's funny how easily it slips in though, slowly, circling around. Stillness. Quiet.
Two wonderfully lovely things that I welcome with open arms especially on those days of chaos and confusion. They came sooner than they usually do, unpacking their bags and settling in without my noticing at first. Mainly because there visit was oh so perfect, it came at just the right time, after three weeks of running without a break.
But now those weeks are over. And Stillness and Quiet are still here.
And I panic a little because I don't know how to entertain these guests. They request that I sit, that I stop, that I slow down.
"But how?", I ask. I don't think I even remember what it's like to be stationary.
I know I long for them in the craziness of life. Just the way you long for those long, hot summer days when you're bundled up shivering in the cold. But once they get here and you've embraced, you wriggle away, because they keep holding on. And you don't know what to do. Or at least I don't know what to do.
Voices vie for my attention, and I'm amazed because they were once just another voice in the crowd of my head on those busy days. But now, they come to the front of the line because the rush is over, and they try to sell me their "product".
Lots of good. I don't deny, there are so many good "products", things I've always wanted to do but never had the time to. Then there's that pesty little solicitor, Mr. Obligation. He knows just what to say, he's been trained over time, and he knows I'm a sucker for everything he has to sell. All of his "ought-tos", "should-dos", "must-dos". He gets me everytime.
You'd think I would have learned by now. I mean, I have an entire cupboard full of magic blenders, super vacuums, miracle cleaners, and nifty tupperware.
Yet, here I go again. He walks up, opens his suitcase, and I politely ask, "What do you have today Mr. Obligation?". And boy oh boy, isn't he excited to pile it on. I mean, I must have the "Most Loyal Customer" status already, can't get much better than that!
Mr. Obligation is why I've been fighting with Stillness and Quiet all week. I'm afraid. Because I know once the crowd clears, Mr. O is always waiting, and I still don't know how to face him. I'm learning, I know. But I'm still just a student.
So here I am. Mr. O on one side and S and Q on the other. A familiar illustration huh?
I wanna choose to vacation with S and Q, instead of get tied down to another useless appliance that Mr. O is going to try and sell me. It's not going to be easy, I know because I've done it before.
I just pray for resilience, because as I choose the Quiet and the Stillness, I always have a Friend waiting for me there. One that never leaves, never hides, never heaps on useless "oughts", "shoulds" and "musts". One that invites me to sit down and talk, to pour out my heart and everything in it, without regard of judgement. One that cheers me to sing and dance with Him, to soak up all that He has graciously poured out on me. Oh what a Friend.
My prayer this week is for you and I both to allow Stillness and Quiet to unpack. And not just that, let them take the guest room, go crazy if you want to, tell them to put their belongings in the drawers and not just keep them in their suitcases.
Why? Because I promise you, they bring along a Friend. And my dears, He is the sweetest of them all, and you don't want to miss a chance to be with Him.

a calling

I spent a lot of the first semester of my sophomore year frustrated. I had spent the summer basking in God's love and desiring to tell every person I came in contact with about Him. I wanted to quit school and go to Africa, build an orphanage, tell people about Jesus, and love on little kiddos. I didn't understand why I had to sit in class and learn about the US Presidents of years past or work endless algebra problems. It all just didn't seem to fit.
So I started to pray. I asked God why I was where I was, what purpose all of this seemingly monotonous work had, and why I couldn't just jump on a plane the very next morning.
He replied, with His own sweet words, with conversations I had with brothers and sisters in Christ, and with His written Word. He seemed to be repeatedly telling me, "Your mission field is here. You don't have to go the ends of the Earth necessarily, you come in contact with people that need to hear of my love every single day." With those words, and the words the Spirit spoke through others I came to realize the "purpose of the monotonous".
After reading this article I was again reminded of those prayers I prayed two years and the answers I recieved from the Ever-Faithful God Almighty. A verse that began to plant itself in my heart was Colossians 3:23 which says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as if for the Lord and not for men." Man, what if we lived like this everyday? I think people would see a difference. And what an awesome chance to be a living testimony, to live passionately and whole-heartedly, not passively and disinterested.
I think as Christians we often search for a specific "calling" from God, whether it be working in an orphanage in a third-world country or teaching at an inner-city school. Two things I believe He certainly places people in the position to do. However, a lot of times our search for a "calling" can be laced with our own selfish desire to escape the "trap" that we feel is our everyday life. We want to hop on a plane and fly somewhere unfamiliar and exciting. And there most definitely isn't anything wrong or bad about that necessarily. It's just that sometimes we get too caught up in what we want. We want too badly to have a new adventure. But God is calling us to an adventure every single day. Sometimes that excursion includes a plane ticket, a language barrier, and possible food poisoning. Other times it involves an alarm clock, a backpack, a desk in a classroom, a work uniform, and a family dinner.
Either way He is calling us unto Himself. His calling on our lives is to love and be loved. One of the sweetest scriptures that I believe depicts the adventure Jesus calls us to is Romans 8:15-17.

"This resurrection life you recieved from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us-an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!"

Isnt' that splendid? What a beautiful depiction of the life Papa desires to live with us! A calling to be loved by the Father, love Him in return, and love those we come in contact with everyday. So whether you are in some far off land or still "stuck" in the same town, with the same people, doing the same things, God is calling you. Will you listen?