fear

“I’ve been worryin’ that we all, live our lives, in the confines of fear” – Ben Howard, The Fear

I fear getting stuck.

I fear growing closer & the pain of leaving.

I fear not being present.

I fear wasting time.

I fear being foolish.

I fear not truly living.

This is where I am. I don’t really have pretty words to wrap this up, or a ribbon to tie it nicely. This is where I’ve been. The Truth words “perfect love casts out fear” [1 john 4:16] have run across my thoughts daily. I’ve been kicking and screaming, talking and crying, trying to make sense of the emotion and apathy. It feels frantic, chaotic, and really not cool. Don’t get me wrong these days have been laced with lovely – moments spent with sweet souls that remind me to slow and be with them in the present. In between though, there has been a bit of a struggle. Worry will creep up, anxiousness in the middle of my tiny office. And I wonder what I’m doing.

With each of these fears, I can trace back an origin. A place in time, where I was living an antithesis of these statements, and that’s just it – it was then I was living. But by living in fear, I forfeit a life extraordinary. I become stuck & fixated, withdrawn & distant, lazy & anxious; my fears birthing exactly what I feared the conception of. And well, this needs to stop.

Friends, I cannot promise you that I will be the perfect example of this. In fact, I know I will not be a prime example of living a life fearless. But damn, I don’t want to live anything less. I am claiming the Truth “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” [romans 8:37] Him who loved us with a perfect love that “casts out fear”. So that we could “live a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called” [ephesians 4:1] with “not a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control” [2 timothy 1:7] “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba, Father!’” [romans 8:15]

So here’s to crying Abba, Father and sinking in to His embrace as we embrace a life lived fearlessly – the Life He desires, designed, & died for. That’s a life worth living.

*all scripture references from the ESV & I’m sorry if I offended anyone by saying damn.