wait...graduating?

I'm pretty sure the words "I'm graduating" came out of my mouth for the first time today. It's not like I'm already half way through my senior year, or know where I'm going to college, or have ordered my cap and gown. No that was all pretend. Something I just went along with, like dress-up or playing house when you're little. And yes, I'm forewarning all readers, there is a huge, giant, pretty much positive chance that this post is going to be my "aha" moment, senior style. Except I'm not really sure what I'm figuring out exactly. It's finally like my brain is kinda picking up on what I've been doing this entire year so far in prep for enrolling in college next year. COLLEGE. NEXT YEAR.
When did this happen? Can someone please tell me? It's like one of those surprises you get, that is really super exciting, but so unexpected, and so unlike anything else you've ever gotten, that you're not sure what to say or do right away. Right away or ever.
So yes, my epiphany has been had. Officially accepted enrollment offer. (Gig 'em!) Toaster oven has been purchased. (Thanks mom and dad!) Senior pictures have been taken. (Today) And now...
Well I'm not sure. There will still be homework, still be study sessions at Starbs, still be coffee dates and blading...there will still be a lot of things, but those things will change soon. Not like tomorrow the world is going to end soon. More like a soft fading, the way day changes to night. The colors slowly dim, going from warm to cool. Familiar to unknown. To the point where you have to have some One who knows the way guiding you. Some One that won't ever leave your side and will be your Light amidst the unknown.
Glad I know my Light.
Do you know Him?

thinking...

Disclaimer: After re-reading this I realize it very much sounds like mumbo-jumbo, but if you continue reading, you will soon learn that's how my mind is on many days. So apologies for any confusion that may occur due to the spilling out of words from my brain...

I think a lot. And I'm pretty sure 88.3% of the time my mind's just jumbled up. I'm what my mom would call a "thinker".
I think. And I over think. And then I think about the fact that I'm over thinking. And on and on...yet, something I've been thinking about (and yes I did just say that again) is how much I don't say what I'm thinking. In the sense that I don't tell people how much they mean to me near enough.
My relationship with Jesus is the most important thing to me. And the second most important thing are the relationships I have with people. The word friendship doesn't really suffice in summing up the relationships that I am most thankful for. Because I call them my friends, but the word "friend" doesn't even do justice to all that they are. These people laugh hysterically with me, cry sweet tears with me, listen to my "soft-sometimes-hard-to-hear" voice, tell me stories about their lives, go blading and long boarding and "falling" with me, encourage me more than they even realize, and make me remember what really is important in life.
And I'm so thankful for that. For the fellowship and joy shared. The words spoken. The hugs given. And the love poured out. Jesus is so evident in their lives, their every movement, the way they serve and love others.
That still doesn't sum up all that these people are to me, but hopefully some of them read this, and they get a little glimpse of how truly wonderful I think they are.
So friends doesn't suffice, but "kindred spirits" does. And yes, I know I'm pulling out an Anne of Green Gables reference, but I think it does more justice to what I'm trying to express. A less "feminine" name I could say is beshte which is Swahili for "friend, pal, buddy". And I don't know if that has a deeper meaning at all, or simply sounds cool because it's in a different language.
Either way, to all my kindred spirits and mabeshte I'm beyond thankful for each and every one of y'all. I wanted to make sure you knew.
Hope y'all have a wonderful Christmas and remember you're the reason Jesus came and was born humbly in to this world. He loves you dearly and so do I!
Your beshte,
Ky

wanting to write...

I have no clue what this post will tell of exactly. Gibberish will ensue most likely, especially because I just got done writing a paragraph and erased it because I didn't understand it. And when the person writing doesn't understand what has been written, somethin's up. Although Shakespeare had to have just made up something that sounded like gibberish, he did in fact add words to the english language, so some imaginative mind freedom definitely took place. So instead of the following being coined gibberish, I'll call it "imaginative mind freedom". Yes, that sounds much better.
I'm continually learning. Jesus is continually teaching. He is indeed the most patient Teacher in the entire world, because when I get frustrated and whine Jesus gently calls me back and reminds me to rejoice and be thankful. So that's what I'm going to do right now. My "imaginative mind freedom" will be in the form of a list of what I am thankful for, today, this very moment.

I'm thankful for:

a job that provides for the monetary needs I have

a break from school and the sleeping in that will take place as a result

spending sweet time with friends that doesn't include a textbook and homework

girl nights with cookies and cuddling and catching up on life

dogs that bark and wake me up because it means if something does go wrong I'll know

a car that runs well and transports friends, family, and I wherever we want

realizations about life and how much I don't need to worry about things

the suffiency of Christ and His love and grace

the way Jesus wants me to take His hand so we can enjoy this adventure together

Truth and promises and the goodness that wells up from Yahweh

"This resurrection life you recieved from God is not a timid, grace-tending life. It's adventorously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us-an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!" -Romans 8:15-17 MSG

intentions

Intentions. Mine are usually good. Especially for this blog. I had intentions of writing lovely little things every week, but then life got crazy, and write I did not. Not the first time that’s happened. It’s funny, my last blog I came up with these “parameters” for myself on how often I would write. I even published them in a post because then the world would be my accountability. Ha. Yeah, that didn’t worky.

 I knew I wanted this blog to be different though, I didn’t want rules to define how often I wrote. My reasoning for this would be a long explanation, including a bit of my testimony. So I guess a little is this:  I tend to lean towards structure, schedules offer security, calendars give me control, but there is no freedom in law, only bondage. Jesus had to teach me that. And sometimes that was hard, because it meant things not going my way, my plans getting thwarted, but once I reached that point where  all I could do was crawl up on Papa’s lap and meekly say, “Daddy, I can’t. Please show me because I know you can,” that moment was freeing. It was like dancing in the rain. That feeling when the water falls in big droplets on your skin, your bare feet slosh in a puddle, and you just spin and dance-because isn’t that the best thing to do in the rain? So that is what Jesus seems to be continually teaching me and walking me through, and it is why I chose not to set “parameters” on myself in writing.

For me writing is one of the most creative outlets I know. Words have weight, they are lovely and meaningful, and can be shallow or deep, depending on how they are spoken/written and what they speak of and to. That’s why I write, because I love words and the power they have. “I do.” “It is finished.” “Carpe diem.”  And on and on…words are everywhere (and don’t worry I’ll try to insert amazing world truths you haven’t thought of like that one as often as possible). So I guess I’ve come to the conclusion that I have good intentions about this blog, but that may mean I go for months without ever writing. And while the part of me that thrives on planners and organization is screaming “NO! Don’t do it!” there is another part of me that is taking a big deep breath, sitting back, and wondering what whimsical thing will come next in life, and if I’ll get the chance to write about it. And if I don’t that’ll be alright because what’s the use of having a life if you’re just gonna write about it, and not out there living it?

writer's block...

So here I am, with nothing to write. My life feels like it's been college essays and short answer questions nonstop, and I'm more than ready for it to end. Okay that was definitely an exaggeration, but it sometimes feels like that after hours of staring at a computer. I'm getting closer though, two essays down, one to go, and 5 days to finish...eeek! But creativity evades me at the moment, I find myself able to write for a good hour and then my creativity starts to fade, and my writing goes from lyrical to textbookish. And that is no fun to read. Trust me, when I get bored reading my essay, something needs to change. So if anyone has any little nuggets of writing wisdom, that may help spark creativity or help divert my attention for a while, that would be lovely. But for now I'm going to return to writing, or not writing depending on if I feel creatively inspired....we'll just have to see.

JOY

noun

1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation

2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated

3. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety.

4. a state of happiness or felicity.

 

This is how I felt as I finally arrived at a friends home on Saturday night. I had gotten lost for two hours, been served icky tasting tea, driven through a town I didn't know even existed, and was absolutely starving. But as I walked through the door to the sarcastic applause of friends, I felt joy.

Now all of that really did happen, but the thing was I was not alone on my little adventure, I was accompanied by three absolutely wonderful sisters and was protected by my sweet Savior every step (or mile) of the way. While driving along, looking at the beautiful sky, listening to Jenny & Tyler and Needtobreathe, the voices and conversations of my sisters took my breathe away. These girls were all in different situations, struggling in different areas, and each took a turn to speak and then to listen. And as each girl shared their story, encouragement poured down like a gentle rain. Understanding outlined each word spoken. I found myself sitting their praising Jesus for these sisters, for this opportunity to hear their hearts, to share in their struggles, and walk with them on this Journey.

As we drove on, farther and farther away from where we actually meant to go, we grew closer and closer together, as we pointed more and more to the Father. And as we finally arrived, safe and sound, I could not have been more thankful for getting lost. Because in getting lost, I discovered more about my sisters, and I came to adore their unique, beautiful hearts all the more.

These are the times, the moments, that make me stop and take a breathe. These are the moments that make me smile in the dark even though no one can see, because my heart overflows.

Thank you Jesus for getting lost, but discovering so much along the way.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Now I've always been perplexed as to why the lovely "Favorite Things" song from Sound of Music gets played around Christmas time. If anyone can give me a reason as to why this is, I would very much appreciate it. Now that is in fact completely beside the point. I was reminded this week of some of my all time favorite things, those things that are lovely, sweet, beautiful, breathtaking, and all together wonderful. I could write so much but I'm going to try to just name a few starting with today and working my way backwards.

Today I am thankful for:

yoga pants

comfy oversized sweaters

squishy sofas

music by Jenny&Tyler

cups of strong coffee

sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce

hugs from sweet friends

words on a page that are simple yet, freeing

afternoon naps

the pitter-patter sound of rain

This week was full of memories and time spent with wonderful friends that mean so very much to me. I am thankful for each and every:

giggle shared over something silly

photo captured

moment spent dancing

reminder to slow down & enjoy the moment

burden lifted

exchange of encouragement

act of simple service that continue to take my breath away

pat on the back & high-five

slip up, trip, & fall that remind me I'm not perfect & to laugh at myself

time someone reminded me to soak this all in

time I felt Jesus' hand in mine guiding me & strengthening me

These are a few of my favorite things.

"Every good gift and every perfect (^[a]free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse]." James 1:17 AMP