what i shouldn't be doing

There are days, like yesterday, that I crack open my computer with the intention of doing productive things, such as, but not limited to: writing scholarship essays. There are also days, like yesterday, that I end up spending time writing whatever decides to float through my brain, such as, but not limited to: what you are about to read. So was yesterday productive? Eh...I guess it depends on how you look at it :)

Vagabond

          

      I am entitled to nothing, though I expect so much.

What is it I think I deserve?

Oh little me, why do you think you need it all?

                Have you not heard His voice,

That soft, lilting, melodic call?

To come to Me all who grow tired

Of this life we live, in which we chase…

                All that we think will satisfy

My dear, oh me what do I think

                Of the quiet call and the deafening noise

Do I even separate the beautiful voice

From all those that I hear?

                Or do I listen and then turn

Turn away from all He said

yet I’ll give my attention

sell it for pennies and dimes

                to the bidder who can give

entertainment for the moment

visual dances and a silly little song

                why do I fake satisfaction?

Do I even know what that means?

To be satiated by the One

                To drink deep

To come along

For a waltz in the wilderness

                Tall trees bow as we walk in

You lead me here

You take my hand and spin me round

The air caresses my skin

and I breathe in deep of the earth

why have I pushed this away for so long?

You know my heart

Pursuit of the vagabond

Is what this story must be called

                For I run more than I call

But you lead me back

To this wilderness and rest

                You remind of the beginning

And of the glorious end

                Of the feast to come

                And the marriage vows already spoken

You love me though my life lies

It speaks against those words I said to you long ago

                Squandering what you gave

                I live for myself

But oh dear me, here you are once again

Always seeking after me

Calling me that sweet name no one else knows

                This is our story

One of love and pursuit

I give it all to you

                Write, please write

Scribble through my best-laid plans

Ruin me for all my eyes seek

Blind my eyes to temporal causes

                Create in me a desire eternal

To walk hand in hand

                In that wilderness I now call home

Once a vagabond, now a child

Oh Daddy, dance with me once more.

breaky

One thing about breakfast, it always seems like it's over too soon. Isn't that true though? You eat the eggs, the pancakes, the oatmeal, whatever wonderfullness you've prepared and *snap* it's gone. It's quite a bummer really. Maybe it has something to do with that fact that you're not entirely awake, so your brain doesn't clue in to the idea of "breakfast" until it's almost over. Maybe that's why the whole breakfast for dinner concept is so enticing, because who wouldn't want to fully take in a big breakfast, bacon grease and all? And be completely conscious of the full meal.
Welp, I like breakfast, and this is a snapshot in to what my brain comes up with. Yep, kinda strange. I know :)

have yourself a merry little Christmas

*exhale* 

sleep

eat (real food)

-repeat-

This has been my life since last Thursday. Wowza, it's crazy to think I don't have class, or work, or tests, or last minute meetings, or review sessions for a month. Boy am I thankful for that. I am finally getting out of the above cycle as well, while all still necessary, the major recuperation period is over, and lovely little Christmas-ness is making it's way in to my daily activities.

Starting with a baking spree today with my dear friend Hannah. And man was it great to have her help in the kitchen. You see, Hannah is that friend in my life that when we're both older with families and kiddos, I will be jealous of. She cooks and bakes like no ones business, mind you as a college student. And bonus! She has a little bloggy too that she started to help clueless people like me stay healthy and sane by eating yummy, good-for-you food. So if you have the chance you should most definitely check her out at:

http://theblissfulgranola.blogspot.com/

In short the day was well spent, with three tasty treats concocted, Christmas tunes continually playing, countless cups of coffee consumed, and a viewing of "While You Were Sleeping" to seal a truly Christmas-esque day.

Here are the links to help you out (because goodness I couldn't have done this on my own)-

Dark Chocolate Pistachio Cranberry Bark:
http://withstyleandgraceblog.com/2011/12/13/dark-chocolate-bark-with-pistachios-and-sea-salt/

Lemon Poppy Seed Scones:
http://barefootandbaking.blogspot.com/search/label/bread

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffin-Top Cookies:
http://www.roxanashomebaking.com/chocolate-chip-pumpkin-cookies-recipe-chocolateparty/

Hope you all have yourself a Merry Little Christmas!

when I don't know what lies before me...

There are days when I realize how much I don't know what the future holds. I like to have an idea of this. My mind even tells me for the most part, that I indeed, have control over what will happen in my life. Then there's today. My head is running, I'm feeling weak, I sure the heck have no idea what is going on. 

Yet, as I drove last night, I felt peace. It wasn't the "all is well and perfect, and I'm listening to John Mayer with my windows down and a cool breeze" kind of peace. It was His peace. Beyond understanding. And I sat there in awe of such a feeling, a feeling that transcended emotion and went deep in to my spirit. This is what it feels like to be at Home. To breathe deep of the goodness of our Father, knowing that He is the Arbiter and Guide. So as you and I venture forth today I leave you with some sweet words from our Papa:

"And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." 

-Philippians 4:7

fall weekends.

big comfy sweaters & ice skates

football games & coffee shop work

learning to dance & late nights

baking sweet treats & fireside chats

fall weekends are my favorite.

hush

I feel dry. That's it. I feel like I'm waking up from a dream. There's been this fog all around me the past few weeks, one of busyness. A whirlwind of events. Not even events all the time, but occurrences. Small ones.

Go to class. Study. Go to class. Go to work. Eat dinner. See a friend. Study. Study. Study. 

I want to escape sometimes, from the "occurrences" of the everyday. To break from habit, to change the way I live out my day. I become tied to routine, something that used to be like an addiction to me. But now, it's a necessity some days. Just to stay in order, to do what I simply have to do.

So that's why I love moments like this. When I FINALLY get to write. Moments when I get to sit back and ask Papa questions. Moments when it's dark and cool and breezy, and I get to walk in the quiet of the night. I'm realizing more and more my need to listen. To shut up, stop going on, and just cease the noise. 

I've been reading Emily Freeman's blog "Chatting at the Sky". She's doing a series called "31 days to hush". Which seems quite appropriate to me, since there are many days when indeed a little hush on my end would be helpful to myself and others. On the softer side, it's a wonderful invitation to live life quietly, in expectation of conversation with the Father. Remembering that a conversation goes both ways. It's not simply us speaking to Him. He desires to whisper words of love back to us. Whether they be simple, guiding, or bold. All are beautiful. And we won't hear any of them if we don't hush. 

So why don't you join me in hushing this week? Let's see what Papa has to say.

coffee shop love & Yahweh

I love coffee shops. If you know me, this will come as no surprise to you. It will also be of no surprise to you that my dream is to own my very own coffee shop, and that I am sitting in a coffee shop right now. I love the sights and the sounds and the smells:

the whirring of milk being steamed
the strong, sweet smell of espresso
the bubbling of coffee brewing

the folks hunkered down to study in mismatch couches
the kindred spirits sharing and laughing in the corner
the baristas swift, yet precise making of drinks

...the fact that I've been sitting here for hours, a table covered in notes and post-its, and no one has questioned my temporary taking up residence in this little corner....These are reasons I love coffee shops....the list does go on, but I don't want to bore anyone with the crazy wanderings of my brain and heart when it comes to all things coffee.

What I would like to share is Wonder. Wonder at how the Lord works. Awe at the handiwork of my Father. I came to Aggieland with a dream in my back pocket and empty hands that were trying to grasp so tightly to familiarity. However, Papa had a different plan and gently opened my hands up, emptying them of all I tried to cling to-the comfortable that I thought would fulfill me.

So there I stood, with nothing....except for Him. Yahweh. I AM. And we walked, He told me life here wasn't going to look like it did back home, it wasn't going to feel like it, but that was what was exciting- this journey was and is new. Every single day.

And as this new journey began to unfold before my eyes, I could not help but turn my gaze Heaven-ward in awe of my Father.

He provides: within the first week here, I started a new job.
He is faithful: as I settled in, I already had brothers and sisters in Christ to fellowship with.
He is so good: every single day He walks with me.

He walks with me as I get lost, wandering for twenty more minutes than I meant.
He laughs with me as I attempt to ride my bike while talking on the phone.
He sits with me while I eat my lunch alone.

He is with me. Always. He is teaching me. Always. And as I sit here in this coffee shop and words flood my head, because I want to just write and write and write, He is my peace and clarity of mind.

My Father is good, do you know Him? Would you please seek Him? Ask Him to show you all the ways He loves you, all the ways He provides for you. He is faithful to teach and walk with His children. My prayer is you learn that today and every day becomes a deeper realization of those things.

Have a lovely day my sweet friends!



"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and on earth." -Ephesians 1:3-14