i don't know

(image: Pinterest)

I don't know. This is where life is right now. I'm not sure if there's ever been a point at which the future was so unknown to me as it is right now. ( I could be exaggerating here, but really.) There is a staircase before me that is dark, I'm not sure where the first step is, and Papa has called me to wait. To sit here and wait.

I'm not one to wait much. Or if I am waiting, I do what I call "active waiting". I always try to be productive, so if I'm in an office or before class, 99 out of 100 times I will be doing something-making a list, reading a book, checking email, on the phone.

What's funny as I sit and re-read what I've just wrote is that the emphasis of the unknown is on me. I don't know, and that's just it- I don't. I never truly know. But He does. And this is the Truth I cling to. Because I know His character-He is good, He is faithful, and gives joy and peace abundantly. And He has been so wonderful to show me that this week.

So many little blessings, makarios, have twinkled to show light in the midst of the dark unknown. I could literally list the many things that keep me looking Up. From the people who have walked across rooms just to open the door for me, the visiting students saying "Howdy! I hope you feel better!" as I pass, the friends whose selflessness has astounded me as they walk me from class to class carrying my bag, and the countless texts, messages, phone calls asking how I am and if there's anything that can be done. I find myself joyfully speechless as the flash of these little lights flit on by.

I knew from the beginning, when I approached this staircase and Papa whispered to stay here and wait, that JOY was going to be found at this landing. He hasn't ceased to deliver. Again and again, joy appears, the lights twinkle by, and because of His Hope I look Up. And while I don't see the path before me, I know Who walks beside me and holds my hand.

In Him alone, I can trust. How lovely?

May your day be wonderful and you have eyes to see His makarios, my dears!

when life looks different

When life looks different from what you thought it would....


you learn to walk without seeing the next step

you see what a gift those around you truly are

you laugh at unexpected circumstances

you cry a little at the unknown

you hold tightly to the Truth: "I am the same yesterday, today, and forever."

you have the choice of Joy Abundant every moment & His Strength to make it

you rest so securely in the arms of a Savior that loves you dearly and hears your every whispered cry

please excuse the construction

Workin on a new blog design as of late, so it looks a little "eh" around here. Soon (and by soon I mean, I have no idea when exactly) the brand-spankin-new look will be up to marvel at, or not notice. Either way, thanks for stickin around! :)

perception

What do you think of me?

How often is this the question that laces our thoughts.
It's embarrassing, isn't it?
We hate to admit that we care so much, so often.
I'm guilty of it.

How are we seen?
To what conclusions do people arrive at once they have met us?
What image is projected upon the white mask we hide behind?

I've been thinking about this quite a lot lately.
A little, as I have sifted through blogs and 'social-media' pages.
A bit, as I have encountered and witnessed interactions.
A lot, as I have examined my own motives when posed with the question:

WHY?

This isn't a very conclusive post.
More a thought-process I'm throwing out there,
perhaps to be returned with your own ideas or answered with silence.

So I ask you:
WHY?

I'm committing to ask myself this and maybe you will too.
Rather than accepting the status quo of my thought life.
Capturing every thought and holding up to the Light.

Let's see where things go from here, shall we?

to my sisters

Your stories have been a light to my day,
your lives beautiful displays of the Father's redemptive grace.

You have grabbed hold of the Truth,
and fearlessly run forth with laughter in your eyes.

You know that the work has just begun,
and the masterpiece being painted is breathtaking.

You feel out of control of all that is going on,
but are learning the joy of Faith without sight.

You delve deep in to what many would avoid,
knowing that you never walk alone.

You cast off the fear of man that constricts,
and boldly burst forth in Christ-confidence.

You won't settle to remain where you are,
because you know that ahead lies better things.

Your gaze doesn't settle upon fleeting pleasures,
but is fixed upwards on the Eternal.


You each are a gift to those you encounter,
the Light of True Life within you radiates without relent.



Thank you sisters.
For the words spoken, the tears shed, the masks removed, and the invitation in to your life.
I'm oh so thankful for each of you.

"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." Colossians 3:14-15

what i shouldn't be doing

There are days, like yesterday, that I crack open my computer with the intention of doing productive things, such as, but not limited to: writing scholarship essays. There are also days, like yesterday, that I end up spending time writing whatever decides to float through my brain, such as, but not limited to: what you are about to read. So was yesterday productive? Eh...I guess it depends on how you look at it :)

Vagabond

          

      I am entitled to nothing, though I expect so much.

What is it I think I deserve?

Oh little me, why do you think you need it all?

                Have you not heard His voice,

That soft, lilting, melodic call?

To come to Me all who grow tired

Of this life we live, in which we chase…

                All that we think will satisfy

My dear, oh me what do I think

                Of the quiet call and the deafening noise

Do I even separate the beautiful voice

From all those that I hear?

                Or do I listen and then turn

Turn away from all He said

yet I’ll give my attention

sell it for pennies and dimes

                to the bidder who can give

entertainment for the moment

visual dances and a silly little song

                why do I fake satisfaction?

Do I even know what that means?

To be satiated by the One

                To drink deep

To come along

For a waltz in the wilderness

                Tall trees bow as we walk in

You lead me here

You take my hand and spin me round

The air caresses my skin

and I breathe in deep of the earth

why have I pushed this away for so long?

You know my heart

Pursuit of the vagabond

Is what this story must be called

                For I run more than I call

But you lead me back

To this wilderness and rest

                You remind of the beginning

And of the glorious end

                Of the feast to come

                And the marriage vows already spoken

You love me though my life lies

It speaks against those words I said to you long ago

                Squandering what you gave

                I live for myself

But oh dear me, here you are once again

Always seeking after me

Calling me that sweet name no one else knows

                This is our story

One of love and pursuit

I give it all to you

                Write, please write

Scribble through my best-laid plans

Ruin me for all my eyes seek

Blind my eyes to temporal causes

                Create in me a desire eternal

To walk hand in hand

                In that wilderness I now call home

Once a vagabond, now a child

Oh Daddy, dance with me once more.

breaky

One thing about breakfast, it always seems like it's over too soon. Isn't that true though? You eat the eggs, the pancakes, the oatmeal, whatever wonderfullness you've prepared and *snap* it's gone. It's quite a bummer really. Maybe it has something to do with that fact that you're not entirely awake, so your brain doesn't clue in to the idea of "breakfast" until it's almost over. Maybe that's why the whole breakfast for dinner concept is so enticing, because who wouldn't want to fully take in a big breakfast, bacon grease and all? And be completely conscious of the full meal.
Welp, I like breakfast, and this is a snapshot in to what my brain comes up with. Yep, kinda strange. I know :)