a calling

I spent a lot of the first semester of my sophomore year frustrated. I had spent the summer basking in God's love and desiring to tell every person I came in contact with about Him. I wanted to quit school and go to Africa, build an orphanage, tell people about Jesus, and love on little kiddos. I didn't understand why I had to sit in class and learn about the US Presidents of years past or work endless algebra problems. It all just didn't seem to fit.
So I started to pray. I asked God why I was where I was, what purpose all of this seemingly monotonous work had, and why I couldn't just jump on a plane the very next morning.
He replied, with His own sweet words, with conversations I had with brothers and sisters in Christ, and with His written Word. He seemed to be repeatedly telling me, "Your mission field is here. You don't have to go the ends of the Earth necessarily, you come in contact with people that need to hear of my love every single day." With those words, and the words the Spirit spoke through others I came to realize the "purpose of the monotonous".
After reading this article I was again reminded of those prayers I prayed two years and the answers I recieved from the Ever-Faithful God Almighty. A verse that began to plant itself in my heart was Colossians 3:23 which says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as if for the Lord and not for men." Man, what if we lived like this everyday? I think people would see a difference. And what an awesome chance to be a living testimony, to live passionately and whole-heartedly, not passively and disinterested.
I think as Christians we often search for a specific "calling" from God, whether it be working in an orphanage in a third-world country or teaching at an inner-city school. Two things I believe He certainly places people in the position to do. However, a lot of times our search for a "calling" can be laced with our own selfish desire to escape the "trap" that we feel is our everyday life. We want to hop on a plane and fly somewhere unfamiliar and exciting. And there most definitely isn't anything wrong or bad about that necessarily. It's just that sometimes we get too caught up in what we want. We want too badly to have a new adventure. But God is calling us to an adventure every single day. Sometimes that excursion includes a plane ticket, a language barrier, and possible food poisoning. Other times it involves an alarm clock, a backpack, a desk in a classroom, a work uniform, and a family dinner.
Either way He is calling us unto Himself. His calling on our lives is to love and be loved. One of the sweetest scriptures that I believe depicts the adventure Jesus calls us to is Romans 8:15-17.

"This resurrection life you recieved from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us-an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!"

Isnt' that splendid? What a beautiful depiction of the life Papa desires to live with us! A calling to be loved by the Father, love Him in return, and love those we come in contact with everyday. So whether you are in some far off land or still "stuck" in the same town, with the same people, doing the same things, God is calling you. Will you listen?





beauty

I'm not one to run forward with a flag for a cause, passionate and fuming, ready to take down those that oppose my stance. (And I don't mean that to say, I don't have strong views on certain things, it's just that I tend to be pretty even keel) But after viewing this short video and reading this article something hit me:
http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/24/10498893-teen-girls-ask-the-internet-am-i-ugly

This story hit me. It hit me because it's so close to home. I've struggled there, I have friends who have struggled there, and I walk by so many beautiful girls at school, work, in town, every single day, that look in the mirror and ask that question. The one question, some are bold enough to ask, flat out, but others hide inside, truly wanting an answer, but maybe fearing what they'll hear. 
"Am I beautiful?"
It breaks my heart. I hear that and all I want to do is scream "YES!! You are beautiful! You are exquisitely unique and wonderfully made! And the Creator of the Universe looks at you in awe of his creation, calling you to Himself, calling you to His security and love."
You may have heard the "you are beautiful" message before. You may be saying, "Okay, yeah, whatever. It's not like I haven't been told that atleast once before, and yeah it felt good. But what about a week later? A month later? A year later? I still wake up sometimes and ask myself that question." So do I.
But I wonder how our view would change, if instead of looking in the mirror, instead of looking at comments on our facebook photos, instead of manipulating conversation so that someone will affirm us; what if in that moment, as that question wells up within us, instead of looking to all of those others things to tell us our worth-
we asked God this simple question,
"Am I beautiful?"
Because this God created the Heavens and the Earth. He placed each star in the sky, positioned it perfectly, gave it it's light, and said "Shine!" And that's what they do, each and every night without fail. I am confident that every night I can walk out on my front porch and see the sky lit up, stars precisely scattered, lovely in simplicity, but beautiful in complexity. Simple, yet stunning.
That's you. Lovely. Beautiful. Complex. Stunning.
You have been placed in this moment perfectly, positioned just right, given a light, and Jesus is calling you to Shine!
I promise you, I'm trying my hardest not to sound cliche, but it's true. When it all comes down to it, Jesus loves you. His words, the Truth spoken directly from His lips, are Forever. They aren't a temporary comment, they are for Eternity. And when the God of all Creation says to you,
"You are beautiful, my daughter, my love." I don't think that should be taken lightly.
Because think about it-the God who created Earth, the stars, pomegrantes, the wind, little birdies and flowers, the God who sent Jesus, who said, "let me take on their sin, so that they may have everlasting life", the God who woke you up this morning, who is the Provider, the Guardian, Papa, God Almighty, the First and Last, Jesus, the Savior, the Redeemer, the One and Only, YAHWEH,
he says, "You are beautiful. Let that be enough. Come to me. I love you."

Isn't that wonderful? Isn't that delightful? There aren't enough whimsical, lovely words that could ever display the awe those words, that Truth, creates in me. He is good. He is SO good. Come to Him. Let Him wrap you in His arms because you are BEAUTIFUL, love. Just ask God. :)

ahhhhh.....

Wow. Such a good weekend. I got to:     

drive a long time, which happens to be one of my favorite things

do a little shopping in unique, new places

learn the art of one-way streets and not driving the wrong direction on them

wait in a long line and run in to a couple of friends

see...wait for it....BEN RECTOR & NEEDTOBREATHE!!

have midnight pancakes and a birthday celebration in ihop

discover that i'm a huge fan of GPS devices and the non-confusion they create

sing, dance, & laugh with four wonderfully great people

Yes. This weekend was good. Now for another one of my favorite things: naptime :)

a journal entry

I was sifting back through the pages of my journal and came across this today. Thought I would share...

I want the words on this page to meet more than just my eyes.

I want these words to see and meet the world with much more than just a "hello" and "good-bye".

I want nothing more than for them to meet you where you're at,

to speak of what's in your heart.

Those thoughts and feelings you could never explain.

I want for these words to inspire, to ignite a fire like none other.

For them to spark a change in your heart and your mind.

To speak truth to dispel the lies.

I want these words to be so much more than me, sitting, listening, writing, thinking.

I want the words that I write, the words that I say to give light to my actions and why I live this way.

For this way is not my own,

and this world is not my home.

I have been purchased by the blood,

I have been vindicated by His sacrifice.

For nothing I do out of my own strength is of worth.

So I throw off my greed of self,

my obsession with my own strength.

I want nothing more than to be frail, to be broken, to be weak.

Because those are the moments when I feel beautiful,

with my hands to the sky and my face to the floor.

When everything in me aches for nothing more than a glimpse,

for even that will be enough-

just a touch of the hem will bring me closer, will draw me in, will satisfy this thirst.

Yet, You give me more, more than I could ever ask for, more than I realize.

You adorn me with grace, crown me with mercy, wash my feet with humility.

Who am I to deserve this?

If anything, I should be the one washing your feet,

anointing them with oil-

and that's what you ask, but in your sweet, tender way.

You beckon me to give You each day

to dream with You that this life can be so much more than it is right now.

Because you love me.

And those words I will never completely comprehend.

I'm in awe that my name and your love even are joined in a sentence together.

Because without you-

I belong nowhere near the town that holds the library, that has the book, that contains the sentence,

where it says You love me.

You have given me so much more than I could ever need-

You shower me with blessings and love me anyways-

You are my Father who loves me and because of this I choose to praise and exalt you.

You are the reason I live and breathe and move.

I found this after a week of learning, and I'm BLOWN AWAY, like no words to describe, no expression on my face can do justice, no volume used when speaking, could ever begin to express how GOOD Jesus is. This week, I've been reminded of His sweet faithfulness and timing. Of how He desires to teach me and draw me nearer every step. And God even used something I wrote months ago, to continue speaking to me. So my desire for including my journal entry was not to point at me in the least. My desire is to turn it back to Jesus, because without His goodness those words of love to Him would not have poured forth. He is the reason I write and move and breath and have being.

So lovelies, I hope you experience His goodness and love this week. He is faithful and just and absolutely adores you beyond your wildest dreams!
Much love,
Ky

oh audrey...

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person." -Audrey Hepburn

Some simple little words from someone great. And oh how true they are :)

that overwhelmed feeling

I had a conversation with a friend recently about things that made us feel overwhelmed. Then I went to a shopping mall today. Yeah, needless to say, all the things we talked about came in to play as I quite literally spun in circles with a headache and no idea where I was. I really don't like that feeling. Of not knowing where I am or how to get back to where I started. And if I can't figure that out in a department store, how in the world am I suppose to maneuver everyday life?
"Well," Jesus says, "you're not."
My flesh recoils at those words. Because that means I CANNOT do it on my own. But I try. I try so hard. To make sure everything's in place, to align everything, schedule everything, have control over everything.
But then my good friend Jesus just chuckles and says, "Oh dear, come to me. You don't have to worry your sweet little head about all of that. And there's no reason to either, because you have no control over it all. I do."
I wonder sometimes why I so easily am alluded by the lie that I have control of my life. It's funny because I don't conciously wake up and decide I'm going to plan out every little aspect of my day and make sure I'm prepared for any interruption. It's strange. I feel sometimes like it's second nature. That's why my purse can never be too small, there always has to be a certain amount of stuff in it. Or why I walk out of my house every morning with three to four bags. Because if I do this or that, or if I need that, or if a friend needs this. Then I will be prepared.
But there have been those moments, and they draw me in with their simplicity and whimsy. That day, I spontaneously go somewhere, and no I didn't pack my swimsuit, but by golly I'm going to just swim in my shorts and t-shirt. Or when I forgot that extra bag at home, so I have to be creative or just a little icky and run without socks or wrap a friends gift in a paper bag. Those silly little moments. Those are when Jesus reminds me what freedom tastes like.

Ahh, the refreshing lyrics of the song "Suitcases" by Dara Maclean:

How can you move when they're weighing you down

What can you do when you're tied to the ground, yeah

You carry your burdens, heavy like gravity

Just let them go now, there's freedom in release



You can't run when you're holding suitcases

It's a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart

Lay down your guard, you don't have to be afraid



Just breathe, your load can be lifted

There's a better way when you know you're forgiven

Open up your heart, lay down your guard

You don't have to be afraid



Can you imagine what it's like to be free

Well, send those bags packing, they're not what you need

Abandon your troubles by the side of the street

Just let them go now, believe me



You can't run when you're holding suitcases Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

It's a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart

Lay down your guard, you don't have to be afraid



Just breathe, your load can be lifted

There's a better way when you know you're forgiven

Open up your heart, lay down your guard

You don't have to be afraid



There's nothing holding you back now, just run



You can't run when you're holding suitcases

It's a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart

Lay down your guard, you don't have to be afraid



Just breathe, your load can be lifted

There's a better way when you know you're forgiven

Open up your heart, lay down your guard

You don't have to be

You don't have to be afraid


How lovely is that? So sweet, such a good reminder. So I guess I simply wrote a lot to say, I'm still learning. Still learning what love is. What True Freedom is. And what a wonderful awe-inspiring Savior my Best Friend is.
I hope everyone had a marvelous New Years! And that this year, you will walk by faith, hand in hand, with the one and only Redeemer and Creator of True Freedom.

wait...graduating?

I'm pretty sure the words "I'm graduating" came out of my mouth for the first time today. It's not like I'm already half way through my senior year, or know where I'm going to college, or have ordered my cap and gown. No that was all pretend. Something I just went along with, like dress-up or playing house when you're little. And yes, I'm forewarning all readers, there is a huge, giant, pretty much positive chance that this post is going to be my "aha" moment, senior style. Except I'm not really sure what I'm figuring out exactly. It's finally like my brain is kinda picking up on what I've been doing this entire year so far in prep for enrolling in college next year. COLLEGE. NEXT YEAR.
When did this happen? Can someone please tell me? It's like one of those surprises you get, that is really super exciting, but so unexpected, and so unlike anything else you've ever gotten, that you're not sure what to say or do right away. Right away or ever.
So yes, my epiphany has been had. Officially accepted enrollment offer. (Gig 'em!) Toaster oven has been purchased. (Thanks mom and dad!) Senior pictures have been taken. (Today) And now...
Well I'm not sure. There will still be homework, still be study sessions at Starbs, still be coffee dates and blading...there will still be a lot of things, but those things will change soon. Not like tomorrow the world is going to end soon. More like a soft fading, the way day changes to night. The colors slowly dim, going from warm to cool. Familiar to unknown. To the point where you have to have some One who knows the way guiding you. Some One that won't ever leave your side and will be your Light amidst the unknown.
Glad I know my Light.
Do you know Him?